Just over a year ago what I had thought impossible became a reality. I discovered that my wife of nearly 20 years had been seeing another man and decided to end our marriage to start a new life with him. I was beyond devastated. The emotional pain was indescribable. To this day I cannot come close to the words needed to explain what this felt like inside. Only those who have gone through this can relate.
Immediately I was faced with choices I had never contemplated. My first choice was how to react… I have known several men who have been in similar situations and each reacted differently. Some turned to things such as alcohol, other women, or other destructive ways to cope. While others poured themselves into their work or simply found other distractions to avoid the reality. My immediate reaction was to hit my knees…. in prayer. I pleaded with God, I cried for days, I begged my wife to reconsider, I did not sleep for weeks, yet today, despite my prayers… I am divorced.
Many of my friends asked the proverbial question, “why did ‘God’ let this happen to you?” To be honest, I asked this question as well. Over the first 6 months following our divorce filing I asked this a lot. I was fortunate to have several wise and seasoned believers with whom I could confide and be completely honest and broken. My realization though this experience was simply this: God did not cause my divorce, God did not will this to happen…. the free will choices of my wife and myself allowed this to happen. The question became, what will He do with it to bring himself glory? I desperately want to know what my future holds… and in my human nature I want to know now! Learning to wait on God and trust His plans and rest in his provisions is challenging. Some days I succeed… and many I continue to fail.